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Reflection: My Singleness Journey

I LOVE BEING SINGLE.

And it’s not for the reason that “I don’t want anyone holding me back”, or “I have all the freedom to date/sleep around or slide into anyone’s DMs” or whatever single people do now. (And BTW, if this is the your mindset, please do yourself a favor to either change or leave the relationship you’re in bc that’s fuel for a ticking time bomb.)

I am guilty of thinking that way too, BUT NO. It’s the feeling of being whole & fulfilled outside of a relationship.

Let’s real talk for a sec. I had a conversation with a friend about singleness, dating and relationships, and since then, I’ve had this burning desire to speak on this issue in the hopes that I can help people out there who are struggling with their singleness or their viewpoint on relationships.

I have been single for 2 years this Valentine’s Day & I will be honest. I distracted my own healing with pointless situationships. I’ve asked God so many times..”I know I’m a catch, but how in the world are people finding love faster than I am? What is wrong with me? What am I not doing right?”

And for the last 6 months, God revealed through scripture, books, podcasts and sermons that I had been looking at it all wrong. Indeed, I’ve been using this time of singleness to work on myself BUT the skeletons in my closet…the SHIT I did in secret. One big revelation I got came from Pastor Mike Todd’s first installment of his Relationship Goals Series. He talked about what God asks of us to do and obey before He gives us “the person”. And then I heard my mentor say this quote by Shannon Alder:

Your perspective on life comes from the cage you were held captive in.

I thought to myself, what are the things that I get convicted on in my life. And I realized it was something I have been in denial about for most of my adulthood (and I’m sorry mom if you’re reading this), sex outside of marriage.

The message had never been this profound in my core until I sought for a Word from God.

“Naomi, you have a lot to offer, but I also don’t want you to carry your issues to your next relationship.” And He’s right. God can’t propel my life to its full potential if I keep my house in chaos.

OUCH.

Since then, I’ve made the intentional decision to work on the skeletons in my closet and surrendered it to God. And trust me with all my heart that it’s a daily struggle resisting temptation, but it’s only allowed me to seek fulfillment in God’s love and work on myself because I want to earn and deserve my future husband.

I already know my family and my parents’ friends already ask me when I’m getting married, and probably even more so at my little sister’s wedding next weekend. But needless to say, finding complete love and peace in God takes this feeling of pressure away.

If there’s any time to be choosy, that’s now. I don’t know about you, but marriage is sacred to me, and I don’t want to go into it with the mindset that there’s always divorce. That back door is non-existent for me.

Does it get lonely? 100% ABSOLUTELY DOES.

Do I want to have a husband in the future? Of course! Undoubtedly he’s working on himself so when our threads pass at the right time, he’s also whole and ready for me.

If you’re single, there is someone out there for you, but can I encourage you to take your mind off of finding “the one” or “the one for right now” and find yourself instead?

Use this time to work on you and your spiritual/soul growth. If you think a person will fill that void, best believe you will be disappointed over and over. You are fearfully and wonderfully made by God. Your completeness should only come from loving you and from loving God who created you.

If you need some literature to help:
Book: The Sacred Search by Gary Thomas
Sermons/Podcast: Relationship Goals by Pastor Mike Todd

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